“Don’t Marry Me” LYRICS

Liang:
You are young and beautiful,
Sweet as the breath of May.
Earnestly I speak to you—
Weigh every word I say:

If you want to have a rosy future
And be happy as a honey bee
With a missus who will always love you, baby,
Don’t marry me!

Wang:
If you want a man you can depend on,
I can absolutely guarantee
I will never fail to disappoint you, baby,
Don’t marry me!

I eat litchi nuts and cookies in bed,
And I fill the bed with nutshells and crumbs.

Liang:
I have irritating habits you’ll dread,
Like the way I have of cracking my thumbs!

My grandpa was a big game hunter,
He met Grandma swinging on a tree—
If you want to have attractive children, baby,
Don’t marry me!

I’m devoted to my dear old mama

Wang:
And if me and Mama disagree,

Liang:
I would always side with her against you, schnookie,

Wang:
Don’t marry me!

I would always like to know where you go—
I don’t like a wife to keep me in doubt.

Liang:
Honey, that’s a thing that’s easy to know:
You will always know where I am—I’m out!

I am talking like a Chinese uncle,

Wang:
I am serious as I can be,

Liang:
I am saying this because I love you,

Wang:
Darling,

Both:
Don’t marry me!

Liang:
Marry a dope,
Innocent and gaga.

Wang:
Marry a Khan—
Ali or the Aga.

Liang:
Marry for money

Wang:
Or marry for free,

Both:
But don’t marry me!