Ellie:
Why do stagestruck maidens clamor
To be actin’ in the drammer?

Girls:
We’ve heard say
You are gay
Night and day.

Ellie:
Oh, go ‘way!

Girls:
We drink water from a dipper—
You drink champagne from a slipper.

Ellie:
Tho’ it seems
Cruel to bust
All your dreams,
Still I must.
Here’s the truth I tell you.

Life upon the wicked stage
Ain’t ever what a girl supposes.
Stage-door Johnnies aren’t
Raging over you with gems and roses.
When you let a feller hold your hand
(Which means an extra beer or sandwich),
Ev’rybody whispers, “Ain’t her life a whirl?”

Though you’re warned against a roué
Ruining your reputation,
I have played around
The one night trade around
A great big nation.
Wild old men who give you jewels and sables
Only live in Aesop’s Fables.
Life upon the wicked stage
Ain’t nothin’ for a girl.

Girls:
Though we’ve listened to you moan and grieve,

You must pardon us if we do not believe you,
There is no doubt
You’re crazy about
Your awful stage!

Ellie:
I admit it’s fun
To smear my face with paint,
Causing ev’ryone
To think I’m what I ain’t,
And I like to play a demi-mondy role
With soul!
Ask the hero does he like the way I lure
When I play a hussy or a paramour?
Yet, when once the curtain’s down,
My life is pure,
And how I dread it!

Girls:
Life upon the wicked stage
Ain’t ever what a girl supposes,
Stage door Johnnies aren’t
Raging over you with gems and roses.

Ellie:
If some gentleman would talk with reason
I would cancel all next season.
Life upon the wicked stage
Ain’t nothin’ for a girl!

Girls:
You’d be back the season after!